Dating within Islam
In recent years, the media has been celebrating the different shades of modern-day love: from polygamy to intersex relationships. But why is there nothing about dating within Islam? Around 14.4% of Londoners are Muslim, that’s over 120,000 people! Dating in Islam is not talked about often and when it is, it’s misunderstood and misinterpreted. This has left British born Muslims feeling underrepresented in the society they grew up in.
We talked to a British born Muslim, Sarah Kashroud who shed some insight into dating and Islam.
Sarah tells us the key rule of dating within Islam is that premarital sex is forbidden. While many non-Muslims view this as unmodern, Sarah explains why this is an important aspect of relationships within Islam and how it effects Muslims living in London,
“many Muslims see the lack of physical contact as a positive, saving this for marriage will let a couple grow their emotional intimacy, which is important for a long healthy relationship.”
However, she claims that dating in a western society with different mindsets and customs can be challenging. “People are usually surprised when I tell them that I’m waiting till marriage. Some tell me that I don’t have to feel forced to follow these rules. Just because something is normal for them doesn’t make it normal in my religion.” Sarah states feeling pressure from the society she lives in to break the rules of her religion to “fit in.” She goes on to address that many British Muslim girls feel torn between their religion and belonging the mainstream culture in Britain.
The stigma around dating is something many Muslim girls struggle with. Sarah cleared up this matter, “dating is not forbidden in Islam. However, many people date with intentions for something long term such as marriage. Unfortunately, there are some Muslims who believe that it’s forbidden to date, especially if you’re a girl. How can you find your life partner if you’re not allowed to explore your options in the first place?” Sarah believes this leaves some Muslim girls feeling ashamed to date, “the problem is not Islam, it’s the few people within the community who try to challenge the rules for their own selfish reasons. These are the people that allow the rest of the world to stick to their negative ideas about us.” Sarah advises devoted Muslims to ignore those forcing rules on them and focus on their own personal relationship with Allah (God).
In recent years, mainstream media has painted Islam as a violent, misogynistic religion, leaving British Muslims feeling outcasted from their society. Sarah tells us that Islam does not forbit love, nor does it place one partner higher than the other. The religion’s core fundamentals embody love and peace.
“It’s all about equality, men and women are supposed to be treated the same in any relationship.”
Sarah addresses feeling exhausted about the misconceptions people have about dating as a Muslim. “I’ve even had people asking me if my parents will force me to have an arranged marriage, it’s crazy.” She emphasises how arranged marriage is not a part of Islam but a part of a culture, “People need to realise that Islam is followed by individuals from many different countries, each country has distinctive customs. Arranged marriage has nothing to do with my religion.”
When asked what her biggest struggles were about being a Muslim, dating in a western country, Sarah told us that the lack of understanding from non-Muslims is the problem.
“People don’t seem to understand us. It’s not their fault, they are not being informed about how we date, and the media is not representing us in a positive manner.”
She believes that more needs to be done to educate people about all religions and beliefs that exist within the UK. “We need to accept that the England is a diverse place, we need to represent all this diversity in the most honest way possible.”
