Feature Story
Dating within Islam
In recent years, the media has been celebrating the different shades of modern-day love: from polygamy to intersex relationships. But why is there nothing about dating within Islam? Around 14.4% of Londoners are Muslim, that’s over 120,000 people! Dating in Islam is not talked about often and when it is, it’s misunderstood and misinterpreted. This has left British born Muslims feeling underrepresented in the society they grew up in.
We talked to a British born Muslim, Sarah Kashroud who shed some insight into dating and Islam.
Sarah tells us the key rule of dating within Islam is that premarital sex is forbidden. While many non-Muslims view this as unmodern, Sarah explains why this is an important aspect of relationships within Islam and how it effects Muslims living in London,
“many Muslims see the lack of physical contact as a positive, saving this for marriage will let a couple grow their emotional intimacy, which is important for a long healthy relationship.”
However, she claims that dating in a western society with different mindsets and customs can be challenging. “People are usually surprised when I tell them that I’m waiting till marriage. Some tell me that I don’t have to feel forced to follow these rules. Just because something is normal for them doesn’t make it normal in my religion.” Sarah states feeling pressure from the society she lives in to break the rules of her religion to “fit in.” She goes on to address that many British Muslim girls feel torn between their religion and belonging the mainstream culture in Britain.
The stigma around dating is something many Muslim girls struggle with. Sarah cleared up this matter, “dating is not forbidden in Islam. However, many people date with intentions for something long term such as marriage. Unfortunately, there are some Muslims who believe that it’s forbidden to date, especially if you’re a girl. How can you find your life partner if you’re not allowed to explore your options in the first place?” Sarah believes this leaves some Muslim girls feeling ashamed to date, “the problem is not Islam, it’s the few people within the community who try to challenge the rules for their own selfish reasons. These are the people that allow the rest of the world to stick to their negative ideas about us.” Sarah advises devoted Muslims to ignore those forcing rules on them and focus on their own personal relationship with Allah (God).
In recent years, mainstream media has painted Islam as a violent, misogynistic religion, leaving British Muslims feeling outcasted from their society. Sarah tells us that Islam does not forbit love, nor does it place one partner higher than the other. The religion’s core fundamentals embody love and peace.
“It’s all about equality, men and women are supposed to be treated the same in any relationship.”
Sarah addresses feeling exhausted about the misconceptions people have about dating as a Muslim. “I’ve even had people asking me if my parents will force me to have an arranged marriage, it’s crazy.” She emphasises how arranged marriage is not a part of Islam but a part of a culture, “People need to realise that Islam is followed by individuals from many different countries, each country has distinctive customs. Arranged marriage has nothing to do with my religion.”
When asked what her biggest struggles were about being a Muslim, dating in a western country, Sarah told us that the lack of understanding from non-Muslims is the problem.
“People don’t seem to understand us. It’s not their fault, they are not being informed about how we date, and the media is not representing us in a positive manner.”
She believes that more needs to be done to educate people about all religions and beliefs that exist within the UK. “We need to accept that the England is a diverse place, we need to represent all this diversity in the most honest way possible.”
Short stories
The Realities of Dating in London
London: notorious for its fast-paced way of life. Surprisingly, in a city of 9 million it can be very lonely. Here are some things you should know about the realities of dating in London.
- Online dating apps will become your new best friend (or your enemy).
Everyone is busy; people don’t have time to mingle in real life anymore. Online dating has become the norm for meeting potential soulmates. The speed and convince of these apps fit around the frantic lifestyles of Londoners. However, you must be prepared to spend hours talking to people who you’ll never meet in real life. The shallow realities of these dating apps can often leave users feeling unfulfilled.
- Making plans to meet up with a date is complicated
When you meet a suitable match online, the hard part is figuring out when you’re both free to meet. Most of us have a hectic schedule in this city. Londoners long hours and spend around 1.5 hours commuting, leaving little space in-between to fit in a gym session or grab a beer with friends. This means it can take weeks to squeeze in a couple of hours where you and your date are free at the same time.
- Too many fish in the sea: pro or con?
When you move to London you might tell yourself that dating will be easy. There are many people in the city and around 44% of them are single so how can you struggle with this dating stuff? Well, the problem here is that there are TOO many fish in the sea. From tourists to bankers, finding that one in 9 million suddenly becomes challenging.
- Is it worth a 90-minute commute to go on a date?
So, your tinder match is based in southeast London and you’re always hanging around northwest London. You must question if it’s worth traveling over an hour to meet a stranger. And if your schedule is always packed, you’re better off finding someone in your area.
However hopeless you feel about dating in London, just know that plenty of Londoners have found the right person for them, it just takes time and effort to get there.
Good luck dear readers!